"The Horror"

It was when we saw the sign saying that we had two barrels trained on us that we decided to put an end to visit and get the hell outta Dodge.

It all started off innocently. Four guys, one car, the urge for bowling merchandise. Jay and Tom had seen an advert for a bowling shop in the small town of Westbere (near Canterbury) and so it was that on the morning of Saturday 30th July 2004 we set of on a journey into the unknown. We were high in spirits, young and carefree, not the properties needed on a trip like this, we were soon to find out. Soon our strory would spiral into horror movies mode, and we would find ourselves repeating the steps of all those kids in those movies who always do the same stupid things and always make the wrong decisions.

As we were driving looking for Pro-Ball Equipment & Drilling Services, we pulled into a coach and bus garage and asked for directions from a country hick, he was gap toothed, and seemed a little simple. He was no help so we carried on driving, laughing about the simple country bumkin we had just met. ( those familiar with the Horror genre may be seeing parallels with this story and those movies where this bumkin later turns out to be the gimp when we’re getting molested and killed).

We had set in motion a sequence of events that would make us headline news, in a very bad way, if evil had its way.

We eventually spotted a sign for “Proball” on the outside of some residential property. we pulled in the drive and echoes of the ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ assaulted us from every direction, the shop was just a garden shed, and closed at that, beat-up cars littered the yard (did they too belong to people who had once innocently made the wrong decision), and the house reeked of evil, seeping from its very foundations and entering our very souls.

Why was it closed, should we have a look around and investigate? (I know it’s stupid, they always go and investigate, and end up as the maincourse in a torso souffle). We were slightly wiser that those American frat brats, and after an inpromptu “SHOTGUN NOT GOING” it was left to Jay and Tom to be the Scooby Gang and find out what was going on.

It was then that we spotted the signs. The first one told us to keep of their property as it was contantly monitored by CCTV. Were they watching us now, holed up in the safety of their corpse laden home? There was no sign of anyone around so then our investigators Jay and Tom approach the front door (Yes I know, how stupid, but we seemed to be doing everything you shouldn’t in the horror genre). Luckily they chose not to knock on the doorway to hell, and decided to give it a miss. It was then as they were approaching the car that they saw the other message telling us that we had two barrels trained on us…..yes now was the time to truly ‘get the f**k outta dodge’. With a wheelspin we drove off. Had there been a twitch at the curtains? What would’ve greeted us if we’d knocked on the door? Who knows and who cares, I’m just happy to be here………………..

we then decided to do something a little safer and played….crazy golf.

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